Year of the Kiwi

The other day after lunch, I bought some candy from a candyshop and headed back towards work. There were kids in the streets in their school uniforms trying to sell me some raffle tickets and I declined. As I was walking away, one yelled out “Nice Lollies!”. I was tempted to turn around and punch him, but I wasn’t sure about what he said, so I walked on. When I got into the office, I offered Kristie, a co-worker, a candy.

“Ohh, lollies,” she said.

“Uhh, you mean candies.”

“No, those aren’t candies, those are lollies.”

“Okay, they’re gummies, but they’re still candy.”

“No, candies are hard.”

“So you don’t call these candies?”

“No.”

“…”

 ”You guys call everything candy. You call a chocolate bar a candybar right?”

“Yeah, candybar. A snickers is a candybar. What do you call a it?”

“A CHOCOLATE BAR!”

“But it’s all candy!”

“No, it’s a chocolatebar. And candies are only hard.”

“So you don’t use the word candy?”

“No.”

“But you know what it means right? Like, you know that 50 cent song, I’ll take you to the candyshop.”

“Yeah, of course we know what it means. Like, we have candycanes. But you only call it candy when it’s hard.”

“So then these are lollies?” [me putting another gummy peach ring in my mouth] “We call these gummies… but it’s still candy… it’s all candy.”

“Gummies? Those are jellies.”

“What?? No, gummies!”

“No, those are jellies.”

“So what do you call gummyworms.”

“What?”

“You know, gummyworms, they’re like these (holding a gummy in my hand), but long.”

“Ohh…. you mean jellysnakes.”

“…”